


On the Edge

by KatG



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester Misses Sam Winchester, Emotional Baggage, Homeless Castiel (Supernatural), Military Veteran Castiel (Supernatural), NO DEATH, Suicidal Castiel, Suicidal Dean, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:40:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22142692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatG/pseuds/KatG
Summary: "I saw you here yesterday, too." He says in greeting, as if they aren't both standing on a bridge, looking down into the winter dark water below.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 68





	On the Edge

**Author's Note:**

> Fair warning, this was a late night can't sleep so I might as well write thing.

"I saw you here yesterday, too." He says in greeting, as if they aren't both standing on a bridge, looking down into the winter dark water below.

Not knowing how to respond, Dean simply tightens his grip, feeling the bitter cold bite of the metal railing through well worn dollar store gloves.

There's only the dim light from the flood light over where he'd parked Baby, but he can see enough of the guy to recognize him from the night before. Shaggy black hair and an honest to God trench coat.

"My name is Castiel." His rough voice is barely audible over the roar of the water flowing through the small dam under their feet.

"Dean." He says back, choosidly ignoring the unusual roughness of his own voice thanks to almost a day straifht of nothing but whiskey and tears, "So, uh, what brings you here, Cas?"

It takes awhile for Castiel to answer, likely not in the mood for Dean's trying to make light of their current situations. But hey, two nights in a row standing here, forgive Dean if his curiosity gets the better of him sometimes.

"I'm not a hammer, as some say." Even with the distance between them and the dim light, Dean can see that Castiel is shaking, "I have questions, I have doubts. I don't know what is right or what is wrong anymore. The things I've seen, the things I've done. Was any of it worth the cost of the lives I took?"

"Shit dude," Dean responds after a beat, letting out a small humorless laugh, "Trumped my sobstory. Alcoholic with some serious daddy issues versus, what? War veteran with some serious guilt hanging over his head. You win by a mile."

"Suffering isn't a contest, Dean.". The man chastises, head hanging down still staring at the water below.

Silence settles between them, thick in the air in a way it hadn't been the previous day. It reminds Dean too much of how it would feel after his dad and Sam would fight. That weird twilight zone between too much and not enough being said.

"Why didn't you do it?" He finally asks, oddly enough feeling the tension drop a notch despite the heavy topic.

"My alarm went off," Castiel responds matter of factly, "had to get ready for work."

Dean can't help the laugh he lets out, "Shit man, you must really like your job."

"I work nights at the Gas'N'Sip, I would hardly say that I love my job. It's more like I knew if I didn't go in, then Nora can't leave until someone she can find someone to come in, but she can't afford to keep her sitter past midnight."

"Always comes down to not wanting to be an inconvenience to others, huh?" Dean muses, "Fuck, I'd have jumped last night as soon as I got here. But then who'd have drove Sammy to the airport this morning? Not like he'd head off to Stanford if he thought something was up with me."

"And that's why you won't jump tonight, either." Castiel ventures, "You worry that he would blame himself?"

"He blames himself for our mom's death and that happened when he was a baby, so yeah Cas, I'm pretty sure he'd blame himself if the brother who practically raised him offed himself the day after he left for college."

Castiel only nods in response, letting silence fall between them again, thick enough this time that Dean feels it in the air. Feels it in the way he can barely keep himself from breaking down all over again.

"Shit, Cas." He lets out a shaky breath, "I think by now it's pretty fucking clear that neither of us are jumping tonight. How about I give you a ride home and we can try again another night?"

"I don't have a home." Castiel responds in a voice much too small for Dean's liking.

"Well dammit, Cas, you can't let me have it worse than you at anything, huh?" Judging by the small flash of white, Dean would say that Castiel had smiled a bit. "Alright, let's get going then. Not like Sammy's using his room anyway, might as well get some use out of it."

"That's very kind of you, Dean, but you don't even know me. In fact, what little you do know of me highly suggest that you shouldn't let me near your home."

"Oh no," Dean says dryly, "I'm so afraid that the stranger I met while wanting to kill myself might kill me in my sleep."  
Castiel laughs a bit and shakes his head at Dean's antics, "And you're sure about this?"

"Yeah, fuck it." Dean grins wide for the first time in what feels like forever, "Maybe we'll inconvenience each other out of diving off the deep end for awhile."


End file.
